Grace’s Key Ring

A few years ago, my friend John, referred to in the Series Preview, provided me with an update to his autobiographical notes, a volume two of sorts. It included many valuable insights he gained during his years as an educational filmmaker. The Examined Life. The production’s goal was to explore the nature and evolution of human philosophy. The series included an impressive roster of contemporary philosophers who sat down with John for extended interviews.

I was especially delighted to read about his experiences writing and directing nine episodes for an acclaimed PBS series titled, The Examined Life. The production’s goal was to explore the nature and evolution of human philosophy. The series included an impressive roster of contemporary philosophers who sat down with John for extended interviews.

Over the years since the release of that series, I never stopped pestering John to write about what he’d absorbed from his filmmaker’s journey. His autobiographical update not only quenched that thirst, but delivered an astounding new insight. Part of John’s notes became the perfect way to explain my understanding of Grace.

The first half of his thoughts included gleanings from that extended immersion in the philosophical realm. He concluded his update by submitting a thought experiment to the reader. If a person was asked, “What is the key to life?” Which word might the respondent choose? He then offered an extensive list:

Grace’s Keys

After contemplating John’s challenge, I felt immediately gratified. To my eyes, most of his suggested words represented the various hues that makeup Grace’s color palette. I edited his list to remove certain primal-driven words such as sex, food, money, power, rules, et cetera. I also deleted terms with an overtly religious connotation such as “God.”

What remained were those qualities I believe necessary to leading a grace-filled life. Many of the keys listed were not part of John’s original think piece, but have since been added. As comprehensive as this inventory might appear, even now it remains a work in progress.

When I stepped back to see how many qualities Grace encompasses, I realized that instead of a key, Grace is more aptly described as a key ring . Each key on Grace’s ring is designed to provide safe navigation over a unique obstacle or to pass securely through any of the tight curves one encounters along life’s trail. If a key is missing, progress is inevitably retarded.

For some, the foremost key may be forgiveness while for others, gratitude. Alcoholic Anonymous® identifies acceptance as the solution to life’s problems and crucial to long-term recovery. Charity is at the heart of Christendom. On and on it goes. By including each quality on Grace’s keyring, a person will possess the necessary tools to build a better road ensuring smoother travel regardless of terrain.

I therefore believe there are as many keys to life as doors. Depending on where each of us finds ourselves, a different combination of keys is required, whether based on situation or challenge. The process of finding Grace becomes one of discovering how each key provides functional transcendence over our shared human experience.

Thus, my use of the term Grace is rather all-encompassing. If what I am expressing offers a greenlight quality or an emotion such as joy, compassion, and understanding, then I must shed my Grace on thee. If my internal road hits the flashing red lights of anger, shame, or fear, I must come to a full and immediate stop because Grace is demonstrably absent.

To my eyes, those who live in a state of Grace work daily to build our strength of spirit. Comprehending how to utilize Grace’s keys requires unceasing dedication, no different from daily trips to the gym. Each set of muscles requires a different kind of exercise in order to become fully robust. As is the case of my body’s physical well-being, maintaining spiritual fitness is an endless effort.

Even with such elevated awareness, I must admit to another part of me that insists such keys are not a resource but instead a burden. Whether due to fear, laziness, or some other form of avoidance, an internal argument will arise that there are too many qualities listed, far more than anyone could ever learn or feel it necessary to practice.

This voice can quickly become defiant. It screams at me the impossibility of mastering so many spiritual attributes, especially given my remaining time horizon. Forget learning about how to express goodness this louder voice declares, insisting such an exercise will end in failure. Thankfully, I brushed aside those doubts and began my quest to bring Grace into my life.

As months of study turned into years of understanding, I recognized my earlier resistance was nothing more than unnecessary speculation. Finding Grace requires following a plan. One must install a set of foundational building blocks before the placement of others. In fact, Grace’s edifice is erected no differently from any home’s construction. First there is the foundation, then comes the rough framing and finally, the finished carpentry. One cannot occur before the other. Attempting to do so defies the natural order.

That awareness meant I needed to do more than take action. Effort alone would not get this job done. Time as well as patience was required to learn a new form of self-discipline before I could start solving for X. My previous approach of putting thought into action hadn’t worked. Something was obviously broken, given how little I had to show for so much previous effort, particularly on the recovery front.

I have been repeatedly reminded that one’s road to recovery narrows over time. In order to progress, I needed to replace my previous self-corrective approach, one of carpet bombing my personal landscape. That early recognition supported a crucial step towards ending so much self-hate. Stated more simply, I needed to learn how to ease up on myself.

Before I could begin rebuilding, I first had to tear down the haunted house I continued to live in. In other words, I needed to clear away my life’s wreckage. Along with working the Twelve Steps, I’d spent decades in and out of psychotherapy attempting to find the center of my life’s road. Both the Program along with time in therapy had greatly facilitated my path forward.

AA’s 4th and 5th Steps helped me fully examine my past and admit to previous faults. Being able to finally bear witness to myself in such a way was a kind of emancipation. The 8th and 9th Steps took me significantly further by helping me face those whom I’d previously harmed. Healing came by taking responsibility for my mistakes through making direct amends. Those steps taught me the virtue of forgiveness.

I thereafter lived each day inside the 10th Step continuing to take personal inventory followed by whatever effort was required to clean up my newly created mess. I laughingly refer to my 10th Step guise as that of a toilet scrubber given my special blend of uniquely created crap. To this day, I remain faithfully committed to such janitorial efforts.

Positive changes in my behavior were also the result of devoted psychotherapeutic effort throughout that time. The goal was to uncover the true me rather than the image I had so miserably failed to sustain. Walls of denial that had otherwise gone unaddressed, slowly came tumbling down. That arduous path included thirty days of in-patient codependency treatment in the late 1980’s.

Despite expressing such willingness to find healing, my thinking remained unchanged, particularly as to the way I did business with myself. Regardless of Twelve Step efforts, weekly therapy sessions, or in-patient mood-disorder treatment, I continued to be my own worst enemy. If anyone needed Grace in his life, I was the foremost candidate.

Unfortunately, I had no idea where to begin. I needed a North Star to guide me, with free will then setting my course. Embracing personal freedom was the key to unlocking Grace’s front door. By declaring my spiritual liberation, Grace’s redefinition had become mine to make.

Until that moment, I had primarily led the life of a follower. I perceived my personal value to others would best be served through submission. I tried to be the person my parents wanted me to be. I dutifully followed lesson plans from teachers not to mention authority figures directing my religious instruction. In marriage, I attempted to consistently do as my wives asked, all three of them!

In the workplace, I contoured my efforts to honor both my employer’s requirements as well as the business’s culture. I moderated my political views to avoid partisan conflict and the resulting condemnation. I’d done my level-headed best on the home front, whether family or marriage.

Yet, regardless of the efforts made, I never seemed to fit in. I felt like one of life’s rejects. The only safe place I could find was by keeping my own company. Securing a higher power, much less feeling God’s presence, had escaped me.

The pot finally bubbled over upon my reaching the half-century mark. Beyond feeling utterly alone if not helpless, my existence had become devoid of meaning. I was sick to death of asking the same old question, “What the hell is wrong with me?!” I was lost within my life and had all but given up trying to figure out why.

As absurd as starting over with this laundry list of Grace’s keys might have seemed, I knew I really had no choice. At that point, after exhausting my best thinking and coming up empty, I felt completely broken. A hard turn on my life’s road was now required, one of radical change. The time had arrived to get brutally honest.