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Section II Preview
Explaining what ails me can be summed up as follows: I’ve got voices in my head. Worse, they never stop talking. There are voices that argue, voices that cast judgment, voices that cry out demanding my immediate cooperation. Of course, the complaint department has a long line of whiny voices, all waiting impatiently to bitch. Fellowship aside, what Twelve Step meetings really provided me each day was the chance to hear someone else speak!
Lesson 5
First, there is Me. I am quite normal if only thanks to the voices sitting on either side of each ear. Believe it or not, such personal shoulder squatters come as standard equipment. I am convinced our entire species is similarly equipped. AA’s “big book” notes the sole exception: people unable to get honest with themselves. I have nothing to offer those poor souls lacking an angel on one shoulder. One cannot negotiate Grace’s path without that steering wheel of conscientious truth.
Lesson 6
Simply put, the ego-driven part of Me, my Self, is responsible for the majority of my life’s pitfalls. That ever-present devil has one primary objective: self-destruction. Distilled to its origins, the Self is not some inherent evil that exists within the human heart, not so far as I’m concerned. I see it as strictly a remnant of my primal need to survive against a hostile environment. This instinct has grown wildly out of control within me thanks to my finely honed ability to rationalize.
Lesson 7
Had my Self gained full control, suicide might very well have surfaced as a viable escape route. Without reliance on God or spiritual belief system to follow, such an outcome wasn’t beyond my range of choices. Residual hope for a better day had dissipated into a kind of nothingness, leaving my life without meaningful light. Was there any real point in perpetuating such madness?
Lesson 8
I should pause to emphasize that my angel voice speaks most often when I am about to execute an order from my Self. In other words, my conscience acts as my gatekeeper. It maintains balance for my thought process, ensuring that what I say or do honors Grace’s qualities.
Section III Preview
When mental/emotional/psychological pain becomes intense enough, the human animal downshift into survival mode. We will do whatever is necessary to endure, if not escape. This was precisely where I stood as my quest for Grace began, finally ready to face my Self.
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